Yankee Publicity Stunt

OK, now this may be a little far-fetched, but the whole New York Yankees-Derek Jeter contract fiasco is so "baffling" (in the words of Jeter's agent Casey Close) that there must be a reasonable explanation.

Derek Jeter, his agent Close, Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman and Yankees co-owner Hal Steinbrenner met behind closed doors a few weeks ago, and supposedly the meeting went well. So why have they been battling in the papers ever since? Here's how I think the conversation went:

Stienbrenner: "Derek, you've been a great Yankee. We want to keep you in pinstripes for your entire career. How many years are you looking for?"

Close: "We want 3 years."

Jeter: "Yes, 3 years. I'd like to retire and have a family when I'm 40. 40 is my limit."

Cashman: "Great. Three years it is. Let's see...the highest paid shortstop in baseball, Hanley Ramirez, makes $11 million, and the highest paid middle infielder in baseball, Chase Utley, makes $15 million." What do you say we match that 15 for three years? Say, three years, $45 million?"

Close: "That's exactly what we were thinking. 3 years, $45 million. We just wanted to match Utley. We know Jeter's 5 years older, but we think he brings many more intangibles to the table."

Steinbrenner: "We agree. Derek, you're well worth the extra money. And if you decide to play longer, we'd be glad to extend this deal."

Jeter: "Thank you, Mr. Steinbrenner."

Cashman: "Hold it a second, that was too easy."

Steinbrenner: "Yes. (laughs) I was really hoping this would drag out a bit. We could own the back pages for months if we kept this going."

Close: "So why don't we do it? Let's drag it out. We all know even bad publicity is better than NO publicity. If we announce a contract now, Derek's name won't be in the papers 'til March. If we don't, we have headlines as long as we like."

Cashman: "And with the Mets hiring a new manager, we'll need something to steal the headlines from them, for sure."

Jeter: "But won't I end up looking bad?"

Close: "Perhaps initially, but when it's over, you can just blame me. Say you has nothing to do with the negotiations. Your agent was just doing his job, and you wanted to be a Yankee for life all along."

Steinbrenner: "It's settled then. I'll start by saying the negotiations could get messy".

Cashman: "Then I'll announce our offer, and say that Jeter should take it, or look elsewhere."

Close: "Then I'll say the negotiations are BAFFLING" (laughs)

Jeter: "And I say nothing, right?"

Close: "Right. You're nowhere to be found."

Jeter: "Perfect! Let's do it!"

Did this conversation happen? I'll leave that up to you. But think about this. These four men are SMART people, and they all want the same thing: Derek Jeter back in pinstripes. What I've written here may be hard to believe, but to me, it's MUCH more believable than what we've been seeing in the papers the past few weeks.